Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
