I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
