Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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