Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
