Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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