I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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