eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
