For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
