he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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