Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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