Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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