So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
