STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
