We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's never too late to be topless.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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