Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
