someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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