I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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