We named our party play list daddy issues
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
