it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize