I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
