i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
