I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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