I hate all girls vehemently.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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