It's Friday. Sex?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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