a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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