if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
