I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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