Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
