I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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