I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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