I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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