I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
