watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
