In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
