i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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