Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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