walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
