i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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