Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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