I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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