Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
