i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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