So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
