Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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