She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
