Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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