if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
