so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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