hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
