Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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