Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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