happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
