so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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