Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
