You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
