someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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