Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
