i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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