I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize