matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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