Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
