I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize