Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
