my mouth tastes like poor choices
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
