and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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