you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
