the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
