Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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